he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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