I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
