So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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