I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
