Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
