I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
