The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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