It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
