I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
