Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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