Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
