My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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