You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
