I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
