I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
