I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
