he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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