In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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