dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
