Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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