If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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