So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
