i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
