Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
