If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
