I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
