she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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