i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
