I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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