After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
