we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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