i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
