I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
