dude i'm inner monologue high
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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