He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
