What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
