i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
