I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.