Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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