marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?