Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.