he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
