giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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