i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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