He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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