she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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