She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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