I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Randomize
