i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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