just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.