either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion