last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.