Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is

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  (609): in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is http://tfl.nu/8llu
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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  (269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4
  Replies (33) Good night (5856) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

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  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3261) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex

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  (262): It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex http://tfl.nu/c8t5
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

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  (630): But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them http://tfl.nu/vxlz
  Replies (10) Good night (5251) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.

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  (902): In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment. http://tfl.nu/d367
  Replies (10) Good night (2868) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything

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  (716): I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything http://tfl.nu/duov
  Replies (4) Good night (1448) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster

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  (717): He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster http://tfl.nu/7ph6
  Replies (14) Good night (2272) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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  (615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9
  Replies (0) Good night (750) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.

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  (202): Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat. http://tfl.nu/b8sz
  Replies (4) Good night (399) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

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  (314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that. http://tfl.nu/dkkg
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.

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  (802): Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/lc1g
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (284)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights

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  (312): I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights http://tfl.nu/amvj
  Replies (5) Good night (860) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award

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  (618): Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award http://tfl.nu/x66g
  Replies (8) Good night (808) Bad night (135) Order T-Shirt

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