here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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