It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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