Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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