You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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