Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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