At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
