so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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