ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
