Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
