I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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