I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize