I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
